Updated: Dec 19, 2020
The thinking wheel is going around a bit too fast at the moment.
I don’t know where I’m fitting in anymore in so many facets of my life.
I feel like I’m that one piece that has been misplaced in a GIGANTIC puzzle.
I’m fitting out more than I’m fitting in...
I’m trying hard to find my happy place,
But just like my thoughts it feels like I’m going around in circles.
Brain injury has brought on so many limitations...
I’m stuck between the old and the new me and neither really fit in with me.
I’m fitting out more than I’m fitting in within my own Weird Wonderful Brain, as if a stranger in my own mind.
Redefining myself and my new normal is hard work, much harder than expected!
Three steps forward, two steps back...on repeat.
It’s not like getting through a hard day, a hard week or a hard few months,
It’s now been years of daily battles chipping away at my mind, body and soul.
I doubt that many have a true appreciation of the unpredictability that comes from living with a brain injury.
You don’t want it ruling your life, but at the same time it affects your every decisions.
I keep making mistakes or so if feels,
I keep trying to forgive myself.
I keep trying to focus on the positive
Only to be reminded that things are different.
I keep attempting to try new things, they say it’s good for an injured brain,
But I also keep retreating to the comfort of my cocoon to survive.
I keep trying to put myself in what now feels like very uncomfortable situations,
But putting on a brave face and your best foot forward is far from easy when your brain goes wonky.
I keep trying to move forward in this new Weird Wonderful world,
But I can’t help feeling like the odd one out...no one likes feeling like the odd one out.
Am I fitting out more than I’m fitting in?
Am I being left behind or have I lost myself?
I’m sure of just one thing...
Happy or sad, I’m gonna keep on trying to move forward.
Perhaps it’s not at all about fitting in,
Perhaps it’s all about letting things be and letting go?
Perhaps in time I’ll learn to let go of the old me to let the new me shine without having to try so hard.
Time will tell I suppose!